Didn't Know
by IsisO'neill-sawyer
Summary: Ray reflects on, and tries to deal with the aftermath of, the building collapse.


Didn't Know

Disclaimer: I'd really like too but I don't own anything.

Summary: Ray reflects on, and tries to deal with the aftermath of, the building collapse.

Author's note: First ER fic so please be nice. I think Ray's girlfriend's name was Jessica but if it wasn't, it is in this fic!

Ray rested his head on the cool metal bars of the ICU bed. It was uncomfortable but soothing. He needed to cool down, stop worrying. Jessica was going to be alright. She'd broken several ribs and had a major concussion, as well as having internal bleeding. They'd operated as soon as she was stable and the surgeons said that she'd probably pull through. But Ray knew she wasn't out of the woods yet.

Lifting his head and running his fingers through his hair, Ray let out a sigh of pent-up frustration. Ok, so he'd assessed 25 people in 8 minutes at the scene and seen three of them through at the ER. But he couldn't do anything now and that was what was really bothering him.

Everyone who came in here said he'd done a brilliant job. That he'd been placed in a bad situation and had reacted superbly; reacted like a true ER doctor someone had said. But Ray didn't care, he felt like it hadn't been enough at the time and now he felt even worse.

He just wished Jessica would wake up.

There was a soft knock on the door and Ray turned around to see Neela standing there, looking awkward. He smiled softly and motioned for her to come in.

"Hey," she said quietly, walking over to him "I thought you'd be up here."

Ray just nodded, not really knowing what to say.

"Is she gonna be alright?"

"She should be fine," Ray said tonelessly "But they still can't count for where one of the internal bleeds came from so she could relapse."

"They told you that?" Neela asked astonished, she didn't think the surgeons were that unkind as to put it so bluntly.

"No," Ray sighed moving forward to stroke Jess' hair "I read the chart."

"Ray…"

"I needed to know, alright?" He turned to look Neela straight in the eye "I just needed to know."

Neela nodded "That's understandable."

Silence settled between the two of them and Neela shifted uncomfortably. Ray just kept looking at Jess, almost as if he thought that if he looked away even for a second, she'd wake up.

"Um, Ray?"

"Yeah?"

"There's another reason I came up." Neela started hesitantly.

"What is it?"

"Lewis wanted to warn you that the police want to talk to you about the building's structure. Seeing as you were there and you assessed all the people afterwards."

"You can tell them I wasn't exactly looking at the remains of the building." Ray retorted.

"Lewis just wanted you to know, so that you can decide when you want to face them."

"She thinks I can't face them?" Ray said angrily.

"No, she just wanted to warn you in case it was going to be a problem," Neela said softly "We all did."

Ray turned back around to face Jess and was silent for awhile.

Neela watched him from behind and tried to see if this was affecting her friend more than he was letting on. She couldn't see any telltale signs so she turned to go.

"Neela?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry," Ray said softly, looking down on Jess "I just… Thanks."

"No problem."

Ray heard her leave but didn't turn around to watch her go. So, the police wanted to see him. Wanted to know what had happened, why it had happened. Ray didn't have any answers for them. Just that several floors of part of a building collapsed , along with it's railings, whilst the rest of the building stayed upright and intact.

He still couldn't really grasp what had happened. One second everybody was laughing and drinking, dancing to music, and the next, they were all on the floor, screaming. And Jess… Ray had seen it in almost slow motion, how she fell. Looking at her now he hoped with every fiber of his being that she'd pull through.

Sighing, Ray pushed himself to his feet. He might as well get this over with. Bending over he kissed Jessica's forehead softly "Don't wake up while I'm not here ok?" he whispered softly before heading out the door.

What do you think? Is it any good? Should I continue? Please tell me and review!


End file.
